Here’s a truth most leaders miss!:
Every team, no matter how senior or skilled, is running three hidden conversations at once. And these conversations (often unspoken, always influential) are shaping your entire culture.
They explain why innovation stalls, why feedback stings, and why the same interpersonal friction keeps resurfacing.
Let me show you what I mean.
The Three Conversations Every Team Is Having
Imagine three concentric circles, like ripples on water – see the diagram below.
In the middle is each team member’s internal dialogue.
Around that is the external team dynamic.
And around that sits the “unspoken” cultural conversation that defines how your team really operates.
Let’s break them down:
1. Internal Dialogue
Your team’s personal mindset continuum
This is the quiet conversation every person is having with themselves:
“Will I look stupid if I speak up?”
“Do I need to prove I belong here?”
“Is this a place where it’s safe to take risks?”
These internal stories are shaped by years of beliefs, experiences, and unconscious assumptions. And they set the tone for everything that follows.
……
2. External Conversation
Team member dynamics in action
This is what plays out in meetings, strategy sessions, and Slack threads. How ideas are shared. Who speaks first. Who doesn’t speak at all.
Spoiler alert: every external behaviour is powered by someone’s internal dialogue.
……
3. The Unspoken Conversation
What we call “culture”
This is the mood music of the organisation—the shared assumptions and expectations people absorb over time. It’s rarely written down, but everyone can feel it.
Is this a place where curiosity is rewarded or punished?
Do we celebrate learning, or only success?
These cues are learned by watching how people behave. And behaviour, remember, flows from mindset.
Here’s the Big Idea:
These conversations are nested, and they influence one another in a powerful ripple effect.
Let’s see what this looks like in a real-life example, based on a highly common pattern I’ve found while working with teams across industries – from Excos to operational teams.
How a Single Fixed Mindset Shapes the Whole Culture
Let’s say one team member believes:
“If I fail, I’ll look weak.”
(internal conversation)
↓
So they stop sharing ideas
(external conversations).
↓
Soon, others follow suit. Meetings get cautious, ideas stay safe.
(external conversations cont.)
↓
And before long, a culture of self-preservation replaces innovation.
(unspoken conversation)
It happens fast. And most leaders don’t even see it.
Why Leaders Get Culture Change Backwards
Here’s the mistake most leadership teams make:
They try to shift culture first – the outermost layer.
But culture is not a starting point.
It’s an outcome.
You don’t change the outer circle by force.
You change it by shifting individuals’ internal dialogue at the centre.
So, Where Do You Start?
You start in the middle circle: external behaviours. That’s what you can observe and track because it’s visible, and will help you work inward to understand the internal dialogues that are causing them.
Here are 6 patterns to look for in your team:
6 Team Behaviours That Reveal Hidden Mindsets
- Collaboration
Are ideas shared freely, or hoarded?
- Creativity
Do people pitch bold ideas, or play it safe?
- Risk-taking
Are team members willing to fail and learn, or just stick to what’s proven?
- Integrity
Do people prioritise progress, or just looking smart?
- Inclusion
Are diverse perspectives invited—or quietly dismissed?
- Psychological Safety
Do people speak up honestly, or stay silent to avoid judgment?
Each of these is a breadcrumb leading back to the beliefs underneath.
When someone avoids speaking up, their internal script might be:
“If I say something wrong, I’ll look stupid.”
When someone avoids taking a bold risk:
“If I fail, I’ll lose credibility.”
When you help surface those internal dialogues, you shift the narrative – one team member at a time.
And as that inner script changes, so does everything else.
Your Next Step
Here’s how I help leadership teams uncover these dynamics (and you can do it too):
- Notice the behaviours
Especially under pressure. That’s when core beliefs show themselves.
- Get curious about the “why”
Ask:
– Why did that person hesitate?
– Why was that idea shut down?
– Why does this meeting feel like a performance?
- Map the mindsets
What assumption is driving that behaviour?
What belief needs to shift?
Final Thought
You don’t change culture by force.
You change it by shifting the mindsets that shape it.
When that happens, the change sticks.
Because it didn’t start from the outside in;
It grew from the inside out.
What’s Next?
In the next blog, I’ll show you how to uncover an additional layer to this model:
Environmental Mindset Cues – the invisible signals that either reinforce old mindset narratives or help new ones take root.
But for now, start watching your team’s external conversation.
What’s being said – and what does it reveal about what’s not being said?
